House dressed as a house painting a house on a house
bae: come over
me: i cant i’m shooting a badly directed video with my band
bae: my parents are not home
There is a very very large difference between Tumblr internet humor and actual humor
And it becomes obvious every time you try to tell a joke in real life.
"hello can you spare some spare change for a homeless old man like me? i need money for food and clothes please help me"
"HAH!!" Romney scoffed at the smelly, homeless man. "Why don’t you just go buymoney, you bum.” he said as he continued to drink the tears of poor from his diamond-made bottle.
Today this girl in class looked different because she had straightened her hair and I told her it was so pretty and straight and she goes “unlike me”. So me thinking that she has bad self esteem, I say “don’t say that. You’re pretty.” To which she replies “oh no, im pretty. I’m just not straight.” And I shit you not my stomach still hurts from laughing too hard.
Honestly Cosmo, I came out to have a good time and I’m feeling so attacked right now.
Quote from teacher: “You’re taking a photo of ass war, aren’t you”
The anthropologists decided that this tribe was to remain “uncontacted”.
This is one of the best things iv seen today
Coming up with schemes with your best friend
Was this movie even real
HOW DOES AN 80 YEAR OLD WOMAN HAVE THE SAME CARDIO AS FIT ATHLETIC MUSCLE MAN THIS SHOW MAN
a dude turned into a llama and you’re questioning why an old lady is as fit as a muscly guy
IVE BEEN LAUGHING AT THIS FOR ABOUT 10 YEARS
[step 1] open your mouth as wide as possible. make sure to stick out your tongue as far as you can, too, since kisses are like, 90% that thing
[step 2] find someone to kiss. you will know they want to kiss because their tongue will also be extended at full length
[step 3] move in for the kill